I’ve always wanted to visit a medium, ever since my dad passed away and even more so when we lost Zachary. I just wanted to know if he was with me, although I know he cannot physically be with me. I’m also feel very skeptical about it all and the fact that I am so open to talk about the loss of our baby boy, especially on social media where I’ve shared our memories and our experience of baby loss. I was worried whatever medium or spiritualist person I’d go to see would first stalk me on Facebook/Instagram/tumblr ect and that I wouldn’t have a true reading and they would just make up something just to make me feel better.
I know a lot of people don’t believe in ghosts or the afterlife and really I try not to because if I’m honest it does really scare me especially if I hear a noise and the girls are both asleep and Reuben is at work.
Tonight I laid in bed, boobing the baby who was almost asleep and Zara had just fallen asleep after a miserable day being ill and as always my thoughts run to Zachary. It’s the build up to his due date and also his birthday soon. I wondered what it would be like if he was here. It sounds crazy but sometimes I say in my head, if you’re here with us Zachary send me a sign so I know you are around. Nothing happened, managed to put Zayah down sleeping (winner winner chicken dinner) and snuck away like the ninja I am, put some washing in the machine and ended up looking at photos of Zachary. All of a sudden one of the toys go off in the play room, I know exactly which toy it is and it’s a little plastic hammer which makes noises when it hits something. It’s definitely him I just knew it. It brought tears to my eyes immediately when I heard it. Happy tears may I add.
I was also on the phone to my sister a good couple of weeks ago and the baby walker started going off on its own and flashing its lights at me from the other room, my sister even heard it on the phone and as soon as I switched the camera on to FaceTime it stopped. At the time I had freaked out but now I have a feeling that was him also. When I really think about it there are lots of times where it could have been him and it was always unexplained.
Does anyone else believe in things like this? He also sends me little white feathers out of nowhere when he knows I need it the most or when any of us are going through a bad time. We’ve also had white butterfly’s follow us around on family days out which is just adorable.
I love to know that he is here, just as he should be. Although I wish he was here physically this is as good as it’s gunna get. (If he was still here physically he should have already been in bed the cheeky little monkey) And I hope that he stays forever x